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They Might Be (er, are) Giants

February 4, 2008 on 12:15 pm | In Uncategorized |

Not all Giants fared as well as New York’s football team did this past Sunday. In fact, Giants have a stigma attached to them nearly as large as their heads, as these seven examples will reveal:

1. That’s One Big Link!

In 1961, Jimmy Dean introduced the world to the giant known as “Big Bad John” via his #1 hit song of the same name. Such was decency in our nation at the time that the radio wouldn’t play the version that ended by calling John “a hell of a man.” Instead, a second rendition referred to him as “a big, big man.” Mind you, this was decades before anyone thought of putting parental advisories on recordings, or releasing “clean” and “dirty” versions of singles. Dean also became a giant in the sausage world by investing nearly all of his music proceeds into a pork business. (Yes, he’s that “Jimmy Dean” too.)

2. Some Giants are Bright

Giant Stars should enjoy being big, ’cause they won’t be around very long. While our Sun, for instance, will stay bright and yellow another 5 billion years or so, it will then expand into a red giant for, oh, 500 million years or so. It will actually grow larger than the Earth’s orbit, meaning we’re not going to be around to enjoy the show. But once it’s done puffing out, it will shrink to a white dwarf - about the size of what would be Earth if it were still there. So if you’re going to clean your basement, now’s the time.

3. Obey.

1987 was a year of extremes for the professional wrestler known as Andre the Giant. On the plus side, he got to exercise his (huge) acting chops in the popular film The Princess Bride. On the negative, he lost the WWF Championship Match to Hulk Hogan in the main event at Wrestlemania III, when the Hulkster became the first person to successfully body-slam the 7-foot-tall, 400-pound pound behemoth. Only six years later, Andre passed away. But his posse lives on!

4. The Little “Little Buddy”

If you’re a fan of Gilligan’s Island (and you know you are), you might recall the “V for Vitamins” episode - if for no other reason than it does not involve a rescue plot. With the castaways running low on citrus fruit, Gilligan falls asleep while guarding the few remaining orange seeds. In a wild dream sequence, he becomes Jack, while the Skipper becomes the giant at the top of the beanstalk. In portions of the shoot, Bob Denver’s young son Patrick took over his role so that a “tiny” Gilligan could run wildly around with Giant Skipper trying to catch him. (And not that I wish her harm, but do you realize that if Tina Louise passes away, the only two surviving castaways will be “and the rest”?)

5. The Other Jimmy Dean

The 1956 film Giant featured a plethora of Oscar nominees and winners… Rock Hudson, Carroll Baker, Dennis Hopper, Elizabeth Taylor, Chill Wills, Mercedes McCambridge, and Sal Mineo. And even the never-nominated cast members were cool - think Earl Holliman and Dennis Hopper. But what makes the film more memorable is that it was the swan song for an all-too-young James Dean, who passed away shortly before production wrapped. In fact, Dean was nominated for two “Best Actor” Academy Awards, in 1956 for East of Eden and in 1957 for Giant. Sadly, both nominations were given posthumously, so he died without ever knowing what a good actor he was.

6. Eat Yer Peas, or Else!

We all love the smiling Jolly Green Giant and his booming “Ho ho ho!” But the leafy leviathan didn’t start out happy. The Minnesota Valley Canning Company’s original mascot was a cranky gray gnome (or maybe an ogre). Finally, it dawned on advertisers that a more pleasant-looking creature might be better for sales. The Green Giant proved popular with the public, and the company even changed its name in honor of its spokesman. To further soften the image, L’il Sprout appeared in the 1970s to entice kids to eat their peas.

7. Down for the Count

You probably know that David kicked Goliath’s butt in the Bible, but it wasn’t just a knock-him-in-the-head-with-a-slingshot sort of event. No, after young Dave KOed Goliath, he took the giant’s sword and severed the big man’s head from his body. (It’s unknown if he said “There can be only one!” while performing this feat.) David then steals Goliath’s armor off his corpse and carries his head to Jerusalem to show it off. Of course, there’s the Cardiff Giant, James and the Giant Peach, Giant Pandas… We’ve no shortage of giant stuff. What’s your favorite?